The Relationship Reset Program

Online in California • Illinois • Florida

A structured phase of couples therapy for when the same patterns keep repeating, even when you both want things to change.

Before ongoing couples therapy begins, we use this phase to work with the reactions that take over in the moment, so therapy doesn’t keep getting pulled back into the same cycle.

Why Couples Therapy Can Get Stuck

Many couples come to therapy with insight, good intentions, and even communication skills, but still find themselves having the same arguments over and over.

This isn’t because you’re not trying hard enough. It’s because when conflict starts, protective reactions can take over faster than either of you can notice and shift out of.

Defensiveness, frustration, or hopelessness show up — and the conversation goes the same way it always has.

This can happen in couples therapy too. When those reactions keep showing up, sessions can start to feel repetitive, progress slows down, and it’s easy to feel discouraged.

The Relationship Reset phase is designed to work with those moments directly, so the cycle doesn’t keep taking over and the rest of couples therapy can move forward.

An Integrative Approach to Couples Therapy

The Relationship Reset is an integrative program that that works at multiple levels at the same time.

Rather than focusing only on communication skills, we also combine education, experiential work, EMDR processing, and real-time partner dialogue to help shift the automatic patterns that keep repeating, so conversations don’t keep collapsing into the same cycle.

The goal is not to stop reactions from happening, but to help the relationship move differently when they do.

  • Many couples feel stuck having the same argument over and over, even when they care about each other and want things to be different.

    In the Relationship Reset, we begin by slowing down what happens inside each of you when tension rises — how needs, interpretations, emotions, and protective reactions shape the interaction.

    When these patterns become clear, conflict starts to make sense, and change becomes possible.

  • When conflict happens, most couples don’t struggle because they don’t know what to say — they struggle because their nervous system moves into protection.

    This phase focuses on learning how to slow reactivity, stay inside your window of tolerance, and regain the ability to choose how you respond instead of reacting automatically.

  • Once each of you has more regulation capacity, we begin working with the interaction itself.

    You learn to recognize the protection dance that happens between you, interrupt it earlier, and shift back into connection before the conversation escalates.

    You’ll practice staying relational even when tension appears, so disagreements no longer have to turn into the same fight.

  • All relationships experience rupture, misunderstanding, and disconnection.

    This phase focuses on learning how to repair after conflict, return to connection, and rebuild trust instead of getting stuck in distance or resentment.

    You learn how to take appropriate responsibility, soften without losing yourself, and respectfully move toward each other even when repair feels difficult.

  • Healthy relationships don’t eliminate differences. They learn how to stay connected while working through them.

    In the final phase of the Relationship Reset, you’ll learn how to handle disagreement, influence each other without control, tolerate discomfort, and relate to each other as equals even when you don’t see things the same way.

    This is what allows change to last outside of therapy.

What We Work On During this Phase

Below is an overview of what we work on during this phase of couples therapy.

How We Work

During this phase, we use a combination of teaching, experiential work, and trauma-informed methods.

  • Education

    Each module includes guided teaching to help you understand the patterns happening inside yourself and between you, including triggers, protection responses, attachment needs, secure relationship dynamics and relational cycles.

  • Nervous System & Regulation Work

    We work at the level of the nervous system to help each of you stay present with yourselves and each other instead of reacting automatically when conflict begins.

  • EMDR Trauma Reprocessing

    We use EMDR-informed processing to shift the emotional reactions and learned responses that keep you stuck in the same protective patterns and conflict cycles, so new ways of responding can actually take hold.

  • Partner Work

    Sessions include structured partner work where you practice new ways of responding while interacting with each other, so change happens in real time.

  • Relational Skills

    You learn practical tools for repair, influence, boundaries, and relating as equals, so conflict can be worked through without domination, withdrawal, or collapse.

You Choose the Format

The Relationship Reset can be completed in two different formats. Both follow the same structured program and cover the same material, but the pacing and delivery are different.

2-Day Intensive

  • We complete the full 6-module program in two full days.

  • All education, experiential work, and EMDR processing happens live in session.

  • This format is faster and involves a larger upfront cost, but many couples prefer the focus and momentum of working through the process in a short period of time.

  • Best for couples who want an immersive reset or want to move through the program more quickly.

Ongoing Therapy Format

  • The same 6-module program is completed over a series of seven 90-minute biweekly sessions.

  • The educational portion of each module is completed at home by watching video lessons before the session.

  • Session time is then used for EMDR and experiential work.

  • This format spreads the cost over time and allows the work to unfold more gradually.

Both formats follow the same sequence of work and lead to the same goals — the difference is how quickly the process happens and how the material is delivered.

Frequently Asked Questions About the Relationship Reset

  • You don’t have to do the intensive.
    The Relationship Reset can be completed either as a 2-Day Intensive or over time as part of ongoing couples therapy.

    The intensive format moves through the full program in extended sessions over a short period of time.
    You can read more about that option on the Intensive page.

    The extended format completes the same program during regular 90-minute couples sessions and is billed at the standard couples therapy rate.
    More information about that format is available on the Couples Therapy page.

    Both options follow the same sequence of work.
    The difference is pace, scheduling, and how the cost is structured.

    We can decide together which format makes the most sense during the consultation.

  • Many of the couples I work with have.

    Often the issue isn’t that you didn’t learn good communication tools — it’s that when conflict starts, the nervous system moves into protection and those tools become hard to use.

    The Relationship Reset focuses on changing the patterns underneath conflict, not just what you say to each other.

    That’s why couples who felt stuck in previous therapy often find this approach more effective.

  • That’s something we clarify in the first phase of couples therapy.

    Before starting the Relationship Reset, we spend time understanding what each partner wants, what feels stuck, and whether the goal is repair, change, or deciding what comes next.

    Sometimes couples move forward with the Reset.
    Sometimes we slow down and focus on clarity first.

    You don’t have to have everything figured out before we start.

  • Some couples complete the Reset and feel ready to move forward on their own.

    Others choose to continue with ongoing couples therapy to work more deeply on trust, attachment, long-standing patterns, or life decisions.

    The Reset is designed to change the cycle that keeps couples stuck.
    What comes after depends on what your relationship needs once that cycle shifts.

  • The total cost depends on the format you choose.

    The 2-Day Intensive is offered as a flat-fee program because the full Relationship Reset is completed over extended sessions in a short period of time.

    Details about pricing and what’s included can be found on the Relationship Reset Intensive page.

    The Extended Therapy Format is completed during ongoing couples sessions and is billed at my standard couples therapy session rate of $450 per 90-minute session.

    You can read more about session fees and ongoing work on the Couples Therapy page.

If you’d like help deciding whether this is the right next step.

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