The Relationship Reset Program
Online in California • Illinois • Florida
A structured phase of couples therapy.
Before ongoing couples therapy begins, we use this phase to work with the reactions that take over in the moment, so therapy doesn’t keep getting pulled back into the same cycle.
Why Couples Therapy Can Get Stuck
Many couples come to therapy with insight, good intentions, and even communication skills, but still find themselves having the same arguments over and over.
This isn’t because you’re not trying hard enough. It’s because when conflict starts, protective reactions can take over faster than either of you can notice and shift out of.
Defensiveness, frustration, or hopelessness show up — and the conversation goes the same way it always has.This can happen in couples therapy too. When those reactions keep showing up, sessions can start to feel repetitive, progress slows down, and it’s easy to feel discouraged.
The Relationship Reset phase is designed to work with those moments directly, so the cycle doesn’t keep taking over and the rest of couples therapy can move forward.
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Why the same moment can feel completely different depending on which state you’re in
In this first module, we look at what happens inside your own nervous system during conflict. When you move outside your window of tolerance, the protection lens takes over, meaning narrows, and reactions become automatic. When the connection lens leads, the same situation can unfold in a completely different way.
Understanding this shift is the first step in changing the pattern, because before you can change what happens between you, you have to see what happens inside you.
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How two nervous systems create the same conflict over and over
In this module, we move from what happens inside one person to what happens between two people. When both partners become activated, reactions start to organize into a predictable sequence. Meaning forms quickly, emotions intensify, protective strategies take over, and each person’s reaction pulls the other deeper into the same dance.
You learn to see the choreography in real time, slow it down, and interrupt it before the interaction locks into the same familiar pattern. The goal isn’t to eliminate reactivity, but to create enough space that a different response becomes possible.
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Why the pattern starts to feel automatic, inevitable, and harder to change
In module 3, we look at what happens when the same conflict repeats over time. When the protection dance happens again and again without repair, the nervous system starts to expect the same outcome. Interpretation narrows, reactions speed up, and each partner begins to anticipate hurt before the interaction even unfolds.
Over time, the pattern becomes more organized. Positions harden, resentment builds, and protective moves start to feel automatic. What once felt reactive can start to feel inevitable. This module helps you understand why the relationship can feel stuck — and how slowing the pattern, reducing the charge underneath it, and interrupting the rehearsal creates space for something different to happen.
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How one shift can change the direction of the interaction
In module 4, we focus on what makes change possible in the moment. When the protection lens takes over, reactions feel automatic and repair can feel impossible. This module teaches how to shift what’s leading, even when you’re still activated, hurt, or disagreeing.
You don’t have to feel calm, agree, or resolve the issue to change the direction of the interaction. When you can stay inside your capacity and separate what has fused — interpretation from observation, need from demand, feeling from action — you regain choice. And when one person shifts what’s leading, the dance between you begins to shift too.
This is where couples start to experience that the pattern isn’t inevitable. With practice, repeated lens shifts create new experiences between you, making connection more predictable than protection.
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How couples move from disconnection back into connection after conflict
We focus on what happens after rupture in module 5. Even when couples understand their pattern and learn to switch lenses, moments of hurt, misattunement, and disconnection still occur. Healthy relationships aren’t the ones without conflict — they’re the ones where partners know how to find their way back to each other.
You learn the natural cycle every relationship moves through: connection, rupture, disconnection, and repair. When protection keeps leading, couples stay stuck in the same loop. But when one partner shifts and both begin moving back toward connection, the interaction reorganizes. Repair becomes possible, and the relationship starts to feel different.
This module teaches a clear process for repairing after conflict, slowing conversations down, taking ownership of your experience, and responding to each other in a way that restores connection before trying to solve the issue. As couples begin repairing more consistently, trust starts to grow — not because conflict disappears, but because the relationship learns how to recover from it.
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How couples stay connected even when they don’t see things the same way
In this final module, we focus on what happens after couples learn to repair. Even in strong relationships, differences in perspective, needs, priorities, and values don’t disappear. The goal isn’t to eliminate conflict — it’s to stay relational while working through it.
You learn how the protection lens turns difference into rupture, and how the connection lens allows couples to stay curious, respectful, and engaged even when the issue isn’t fully resolved. Some problems can be solved, but many have to be managed over time. This module helps partners hold that tension without escalating, shutting down, or trying to force the other person to change.
We work with the natural tensions every relationship contains — independence and closeness, acceptance and change, influence and autonomy, connection and distance — and practice how to stay on the same team while navigating them.
When couples can tolerate discomfort without losing respect or equality, the relationship becomes more stable, flexible, and resilient.
A Look Inside the Relationship Reset Program
Each module builds on the last, helping couples understand their patterns, work with what happens in real time, and learn how to stay connected even when conflict or difference appears.
An Integrative Approach to Couples Therapy
The Relationship Reset is an integrative program that that works at multiple levels at the same time.
Rather than focusing only on communication skills, we also combine education, experiential work, EMDR processing, and real-time partner dialogue to help shift the automatic patterns that keep repeating.
You Choose the Format
The Relationship Reset can be completed in two different formats. Both follow the same structured program and cover the same material, but the pacing and delivery are different.
2-Day Intensive
We complete the full 6-module program in two 8-hour days. Day one covers modules 1-3, and we work through modules 4-6 on day two. The days can be consecutive or spaced out.
All education, experiential work, and EMDR processing happens live in session.
This format is faster and involves a larger upfront cost, but many couples prefer the focus and momentum of working through the process in a short period of time.
Best for couples who want an immersive reset or want to move through the program more quickly.
Ongoing Therapy Format
The same 6-module program is completed over a series of seven 90-minute biweekly sessions.
The educational portion of each module is completed at home by watching video lessons before the session.
Session time is then used for EMDR and experiential work.
This format spreads the cost over time and allows the work to unfold more gradually.
Both formats follow the same sequence of work and lead to the same goals — the difference is how quickly the process happens and how the material is delivered.
Frequently Asked Questions About the Relationship Reset
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Many of the couples I work with have.
Often the issue isn’t that you didn’t learn good communication tools — it’s that when conflict starts, the nervous system moves into protection and those tools become hard to use.
The Relationship Reset focuses on changing the patterns underneath conflict, not just what you say to each other.
That’s why couples who felt stuck in previous therapy often find this approach more effective.
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That’s something we clarify in the first phase of couples therapy.
Before starting the Relationship Reset, we spend time understanding what each partner wants, what feels stuck, and whether the goal is repair, change, or deciding what comes next.
Sometimes couples move forward with the Reset.
Sometimes we slow down and focus on clarity first.You don’t have to have everything figured out before we start.
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Some couples complete the Reset and feel ready to move forward on their own.
Others choose to continue with ongoing couples therapy to work more deeply on trust, attachment, long-standing patterns, or life decisions.
The Reset is designed to change the cycle that keeps couples stuck.
What comes after depends on what your relationship needs once that cycle shifts. -
The total cost depends on the format you choose.
The 2-Day Intensive is offered at a flat-rate of $3,800 and is completed over two 8-hr days.
Details about pricing and what’s included can be found on the Relationship Reset Intensive page.The Extended Therapy Format is completed in seven 90-minute sessions scheduled every other week at the rate of $450/session, making the total cost of this phase $3,150. The cost difference is due to the education component being completed at home by watching video lessons before session.
You can read more about ongoing work on the Couples Therapy page.